Victoria S. Linder Law Office
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How and when to talk to your child about adoption

Adoption can be both stressful and joyous. Bringing a new child into your Sacramento home can involve months and even years of legal hurdles, waiting for the right match, and many other complications. But, once you get through the process, you will have a new member of your family that needs all of the love and support you can give.

While some couples adopt children that are older and completely aware of the adoption during the entire process, others adopt infants that have no idea what is happening around them. This means, that at some point, you will have to tell your child about the adoption. Choosing the right time for this is extremely important. If you wait too long, it could induce anger and trust issues that might carry on for years.

Preschool years

During the preschool years, children often become much more curious about the world around them and begin asking questions. For example, you will eventually hear the question ""where do babies come from"" during this time. This is your opening to start talking about adoption.

Keep your explanation simple and honest. Explain that some parents cannot take care of their children and that you and your spouse wanted to take care of her and that is why you adopted her. Also, talk about how much you and your spouse wanted a child and some of the things that you had to go through to bring your daughter home. Be open to questions and respond with as much information as you can, however, you should keep your responses age appropriate for your child.

School age

If you wait until your child is already in grade school, it is important to make the adoption talk a priority sooner rather than later. By waiting too long, your child could begin to think that you were keeping the adoption secret, or lying about it. They important thing is that she finds out from you about the adoption instead of someone else. The longer you wait, the harder it is going to be to have the conversation and the worse your daughter's reaction might be.

Like with a preschool-age child, be open and honest when you have the adoption talk. Be prepared to answer questions and acknowledge her emotions, even if they are not the ones you would prefer.

If you are considering adoption, it is important to remember that the process does not end when the court completes the paperwork. The challenges that come with adopting a child go far beyond the legal battle you may have to fight.

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Victoria S. Linder Law Office
5303 Folsom Boulevard
Sacramento, CA 95819

Phone: 916-905-4805
Fax: 916-498-0127
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